How to Handle Mistakes in a Healthy Way

Reclaim Psychotherapy
Oct 14
3 min read

Mistakes are part of being human. Yet for many of us, they feel bigger than they are. A simple misstep can quickly lead to self-blame, embarrassment, or even shame. If you’ve ever found yourself replaying mistakes in your head, you’re not alone.

The good news is that mistakes don’t define your worth — they are simply a sign you are human, and sometimes opportunities for growth. By reframing how we think about mistakes, we can improve self-esteem and build resilience.

Why Mistakes Can Hurt Our Self-Esteem

From childhood, many people learn to associate mistakes with being “bad.” Instead of hearing “that was a mistake”, they may have heard “you are the mistake.” Over time, this creates an inner critic that exaggerates even small errors.

Our culture doesn’t make it easier. We’re constantly told to be successful and humble, generous and thrifty, spontaneous and controlled. No matter what we do, it feels like we’re doing something wrong.

This can lead to paralysis — trying so hard to avoid mistakes that we avoid life itself. When we believe mistakes are unacceptable, we may become overly cautious, avoid new opportunities, or struggle with constant self-doubt. But here’s the good news: self-esteem isn’t about being flawless. It’s about accepting ourselves, mistakes and all.

Reframing Mistakes

We therapists often talk about reframing — changing the way we interpret an event. When we view mistakes differently, they lose their power to damage our self-esteem. Here are some healthier perspectives:

Mistakes as Teachers: Every error provides feedback that helps us learn. Think of them as stepping stones toward improvement.
Mistakes as Warnings: A poor grade, a conflict with a friend, or a work error can highlight areas that need attention, rather than proof of failure.
Mistakes and Spontaneity: Fear of mistakes stifles creativity and self-expression. Allowing mistakes encourages authenticity and growth.
A Quota for Mistakes: Everyone makes them — some small, some big. Instead of striving for perfection, accept that a certain number of missteps are normal in any area of life.

Why We Call Them Mistakes “After the Fact”

At the time of a decision, we act with the best awareness we have. Only later, with new knowledge or perspective, do we label it a “mistake.” This means mistakes are not proof of our defectiveness, but evidence of growth or changing awareness.

Building Awareness Around Mistakes

To develop a healthier relationship with mistakes, try these strategies:

Pause to Reflect: Ask yourself what needs or goals you were trying to meet when you made the choice.
Identify Patterns: If a mistake repeats, explore what’s driving it — such as habits, fear, or unhelpful priorities.
Learn from Consequences: Mistakes show us what doesn’t work. Paying attention to the results helps us make better choices in the future.
Practice Self-Forgiveness: Remember that mistakes are part of learning and being human. You’ve already “paid” for them through experience.

Key Takeaway

Mistakes are not signs of weakness. They are an essential part of learning, adapting, and growing, and an inescapable part of being human.

By reframing mistakes as feedback rather than proof of inadequacy, we free ourselves from perfectionism and strengthen our self-esteem.

Instead of asking “How do I avoid mistakes?” try asking: “What can I learn from this one?”

Looking for Support? We can help!

We provide online counselling and psychotherapy services across Ontario. While we work with clients of all backgrounds and genders, our practice specializes in empowering adults in their late teens, 20s, and 30s to reclaim confidence, happiness, and fulfillment, despite the challenges of low self-esteem, anxiety, and relationship struggles.

If you are in need of support for cultivating a greater sense of self-worth or self-confidence, we’d love to hear from you! Click the button below to book.

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