Therapy for People-Pleasing

What is People Pleasing?​​

People pleasing is the tendency to prioritize others’ needs, feelings, or approval — often at the expense of your own well-being. You might say “yes” even when you’re overwhelmed, struggle to express what you really think, or feel anxious when someone’s upset with you.

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While it can come from kindness or empathy, chronic people pleasing can leave you feeling resentful, invisible, or burned out. Many people pleasers describe feeling responsible for others’ emotions and fearing rejection or disapproval if they set limits.

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Research from Statistics Canada shows that anxiety and stress levels have increased significantly among Canadians — particularly among young adults aged 15–34 — with nearly one in five reporting high levels of daily stress. Many people who struggle with people pleasing also report heightened anxiety, perfectionism, and difficulty saying no, all of which can take a toll on mental health.

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Signs you Might Be a People Pleaser

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You might relate to being a people pleaser if you:

• Have a hard time saying no — even when you’re exhausted

• Feel guilty when you put your own needs first

• Constantly worry about what others think of you

• Avoid conflict or criticism at all costs

• Overextend yourself to gain approval or avoid disappointment

• Feel anxious, resentful, or drained in relationships

• Struggle to identify your own wants, preferences, or limits

 

If these patterns sound familiar, therapy can help you learn healthier ways to connect with others — without losing yourself in the process.

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Why do People Become People Pleasers?

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People pleasing often starts early in life. You might have learned that being helpful, agreeable, or self-sacrificing was the best way to stay safe, loved, or accepted. Over time, those patterns can become automatic — even when they no longer serve you.

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People pleasing can also simply be about a low tolerance for emotional discomfort. Let's face it, setting boundaries, saying no, or experiencing disapproval are uncomfortable emotional experiences for all of us (even non-people-pleasers!). But if your main goal is to avoid emotional discomfort, rather than viewing it as a normal, inevidible part of life and being human, then you might always try to avoid that emotional discomfort by people pleasing.

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Common root causes include:

• Growing up in environments where love or approval felt conditional

• Experiencing criticism, neglect, or emotional inconsistency

• Learning to manage others’ moods to avoid conflict or rejection

• Perfectionism or fear of failure

• Low self-esteem or unclear sense of identity

 

In adulthood, these patterns can show up as overcommitting, burnout, or feeling resentful when your kindness isn’t reciprocated. Therapy helps you understand where these habits come from — and how to change them.

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When Should I Seek Therapy For People Pleasing?​​

It may be time to seek therapy if you notice that:

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• You say “yes” even when you want to say “no”

• You feel excessively anxious, guilty, or ashamed when asserting boundaries

• You often feel unseen or unappreciated in relationships

• You take on too much at work or home to avoid disappointing others

• You struggle to relax or enjoy downtime without feeling “lazy”

• You feel disconnected from your own goals, values, or desires

 

Therapy provides a supportive, judgment-free space to explore these feelings and begin building healthier patterns — rooted in self-respect, compassion, and authenticity.

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How Can Reclaim Psychotherapy Help?

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At Reclaim Psychotherapy, we use evidence-based approaches to help you understand and transform the patterns that keep people pleasing in place. Together, we’ll help you develop boundaries, confidence, and self-acceptance — so your relationships feel balanced and genuine.

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Our therapists draw from:

• Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT): Understand and challenge unhelpful beliefs like “I’m only lovable when I help others.”

• Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT): Learn to tolerate discomfort and make choices that align with your values, even when it feels hard.

• Compassion-Focused Therapy (CFT): Build self-compassion to reduce guilt, shame, and harsh self-criticism.

• Emotion-Focused Therapy (EFT): Explore and express underlying emotions like fear, anger, or sadness that often fuel people pleasing.

• Mindfulness-Based Therapy (MBT): Strengthen awareness of your needs and emotional boundaries in real time.

 

Our goal is to help you move from over-functioning and self-doubt toward confidence, authenticity, and self-trust.

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