
Do you find yourself constantly seeking the approval of others, often at the expense of your own well-being? If so, you may be caught in the grips of approval addiction. This insidious pattern of behavior can have a huge impact on your mental health and relationships, leaving you feeling trapped and unfulfilled. While this is undoubtedly a frustrating cycle to be caught in, there is hope and a way out.
What is Approval Addiction, Anyway?
What exactly is approval addiction, you might wonder? At its core, it involves relying on external validation for your sense of self-worth and happiness.
If others approve of you, and your choices and decisions, you feel great! But if others don’t react positively to you (or *gasp* react negatively), disapprove of your decisions, disagree with or criticize you, you feel terrible. In essence, your self-worth and self-esteem are totally in the hands of other people and whether they approve of or like you.
Of course, there is no doubt that being approved of and liked feels good. It’s only human to want these things. But when the approval of others is the main thing that dictates our mood, is our only route to self-worth, and is the main thing that drives our decision-making rather than our personal goals and values, it might be time to rethink things and try something new.
Are YOU an Approval Addict?
So, how can you tell if you're caught in the web of approval addiction? Check out the signs below to see if you might fit the description:
I prioritize others' needs over my own, consistently.
I struggle to say no, even when it goes against my own desires.
I am terrified of rejection, leading to avoidance of conflict or confrontation.
I worry excessively about others' opinions and judgments.
I have difficulty forming my own opinions, fearing disagreement or disapproval.
I frequently find myself over-apologizing, even for minor perceived offenses.
I try to control others' perceptions of me to gain approval.
I often go along with others' wishes to avoid conflict, regardless of my own preferences.
I experience low self-esteem stemming from a dependence on external validation.
I present a highly-curated version of myself to avoid judgment or make others like me.
If any of these behaviors resonate with you, it's essential to acknowledge the role approval addiction plays in your life and take proactive steps to break free from its grip.
How to Break the Cycle:
But how can you begin to reclaim your sense of self and move away from approval addiction? Here are some strategies to help you along the way:
Seek internal validation: Shift your focus from external approval to aligning with your own values and beliefs, nurturing self-compassion and self-acceptance.
Identify and change maladaptive thoughts: Thoughts regarding disapproval are often exaggerated and catastrophic. For instance, occasionally saying no to a friend probably will not signify the end of the friendship but rather a temporary disappointment. Reframing these thoughts to be more balanced and accurate can stop these thoughts from controlling you.
Learn to tolerate the discomfort of disapproval: We can all agree that disapproval does not feel good. But while disapproval is unpleasant, it can't kill you. If you are able to practice sitting with the discomfort of others' disapproval or disappointment, you can build resilience.
Cultivate greater self-compassion: Engage in practices such as therapy, journaling, and mindfulness to foster a deeper connection with yourself and relate to yourself with more kindness.
Honor your needs: Prioritize your own happiness and fulfillment, even if it means stepping away from relationships or situations that no longer serve you.
Set healthy boundaries: Clearly define your limits and communicate them assertively, allowing yourself to prioritize your own well-being.
Practice assertiveness: Learn to express your needs and opinions confidently and respectfully, without seeking constant validation from others.
Limit social media exposure: Take breaks from social media or reduce your usage to minimize comparison and the need for validation from online sources.
It’s important to note that none of these things are easy, which is why seeking support from a therapist or counselor can provide valuable guidance and tools to help you navigate this process with compassion and resilience.
Looking for Support? We can help!
We provide online counselling and psychotherapy services across Ontario. Our practice specializes in empowering women in their late teens, 20s, and 30s to reclaim confidence, happiness, and fulfillment, despite the challenges of low self-esteem, anxiety, and relationship struggles.
If you are in need of support for cultivating a greater sense of self-worth or self-confidence, we’d love to hear from you! Click the button below to book.